Set in Style

I’m reviewing an attorney-authored article — “In Re Bilski and Its Impact on Business Method Patents”

Here’s the intro:

The big problem with the intro is this — the reference to State Street Bank.

Why is that reference a problem?

For one thing, it’s a new topic, so it needs a new paragraph.

More than that, it throws the reader a curve. Which decision has 132 pages — In Re Bilski or State Street Bank? 

An editor might delete the reference to State Street Bank, or set it as a footnote. But more is needed.

Consider this revised intro:

It contains less than half as many words as the original. Gone, for example, is the conclusion to the intro, since it isn’t of interest to potential clients — an audience of “patent holders and applicants.”

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Be as concise as can be, because your audience consists of busy people who value their time (and expect you to value it, too). And speak directly to them (patent holders and applicants, if that’s who you’re addressing). Don’t bring up asides that might be important to people who might care about “setting a strategy for an environment.”

If you’re too busy to do that on your own, engage a skilled and experienced editor (hint, hint).

Only a few large firms have dedicated editors on staff. 

That’s likely to change.

Why? Because of the growing importance of the written word — motivated by the growing use of social networking tools — to attract clients. That’s why.

Don’t take my word for it. Those in the know say social networking will be more and more important in the promotion of professional services, including legal services.

Consider some of what they say:

The Legal Case for Web 2.0

A Fresh World for Attorneys

Social Networking Goes Professional

Social Networking for Lawyers

Since social networking relies so much on what we write . . . .

My faith in the growth of social networking is like my faith in global warming — if everyone says it’s happening, it’s happening, right?

. . . especially when it comes to the number of words you require your readers to read.

Consider this opening line to a recently published client alert:

On April 17, 2009, the Obama administration’s Environmental Protection Agency (“EPA”) issued two proposed findings regarding the following greenhouse gases (“GHGs”): carbon dioxide; methane; nitrous oxide; hydrofluorocarbons; perfluorocarbons; and sulfur hexaflouride.

That stands like a giant warning to readers: be wary — “the author is garrulous; he doesn’t value your time.”

Let’s suppose the author seriously wanted the alert to attract new clients. He wanted it to be read not just by a few GCs, but by a much larger and broader audience. Then he could use an editor.

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What would a skilled and experienced editor do with that intro?

Why, he’d start by cutting the fat:

On April 17, 2009, the Obama administration’s Environmental Protection Agency (“EPA“) issued two proposed findings regarding the following greenhouse gases (“GHGs”): carbon dioxide; methane; nitrous oxide; hydroflourocarbons; perflourocarbons; and sulfur hexaflouride.

An editor might tell the author:

“The audience for this alert consists of people interested in ‘federal efforts to reduce greenhouse-gas emissions.’ Why waste their time telling them what EPA stands for, or who it belongs to? (Newspapers assume their readers know terms like EPA, IRS, and SEC; they don’t define those terms for the public, so why should you define EPA for people who would be interested in this alert?)

“Don’t write the alert like it was a brief for a court, because that’s not what it is; it has a different purpose, and it’s for a different audience.

“A client alert is not a merits brief, and shouldn’t be written as if it was. If you want to attract a broad audience, write for that audience.”

If you’re an attorney, and you just finished writing something that includes a bunch of hefty phrases like “including without limitation X, and Y, and Z, and so forth, and so on,” and now you’re getting ready to write a client alert (or a letter to a client or a prospective client or someone who might introduce you to a valuable client), take a moment to shift gears. Before you start to write something that someone will want to read (as opposed to that collection of hefty phrases you just wrote that all of a handful of people have to read), think of what readers want.

One way to do that is to fetch a cup of coffee (or tea, if you’re that sort) and watch Doug Stern talk about the KILLER BEs. It’s good stuff.

Here’s a good example of why attorney-authors need editors:

POSTED ON MARCH 6, 2009 BY STEPHEN KLEINMAN
The Supreme Court Decides Wyeth v. Levine

On March 4, 2009, in Wyeth v. Levine, No. 06-1249, the United States Supreme Court upheld, by a 6-3 vote, the Vermont Supreme Court’s holding in favor of a patient who argued that the Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) approval of a pharmaceutical drug’s label warnings did not impliedly preempt state failure-to-warn claims.

That’s the intro to an article (a blog post) published by Schottenstein Zox & Dunn Co., “one of Ohio’s largest full-service law firms.”

Compare that to this:

Supreme Court rejects limits on drug lawsuits

By MARK SHERMAN
The Associated Press
Wednesday, March 4, 2009; 4:25 PM

WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court forcefully rejected calls Wednesday for limiting consumer lawsuits against drug makers, upholding a $6.7 million jury award to a musician who lost her arm to gangrene following an injection.

That’s the intro to an article (a newspaper article) about the same story.

Which article would you rather read? Which do you think most people (including potential clients) will read?

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If you want to attract readers (including potential clients), you need a good intro to any article you put your name to.

Readers expect a good idea of what you’re going to discuss, and they want it in an easy-to-digest nugget. An intro needs to give readers what they want, and it needs to inspire them to read on (rather than move on).

Journalists are taught how to write intros that make readers want to continue reading, and that’s a skill that attorney-authors could use to great affect.

Interested?

These days, your clients have lots of choices.

You’re not their only source of information about the latest SEC or IRS regulation, the latest change to COBRA, or what some appeals court just decided.

You’re not the only one publishing client alerts or newsletters about such matters of import. So are your competitors — the very people who would like to take your clients from you and claim them as their own.

Your clients have choices, and they’ll exercise them. They don’t have to read your client alerts; they can choose from a wide selection. They can choose to read the client alerts that are the most timely, the most informative, and — since time is precious — the most concise. They can certainly choose to read alerts that are well written and ignore those that are not.

So, if your client alerts aren’t well written, informative, and concise, then you’ve left a door open — a door through which long-time clients can be persuaded to leave.

(more…)

When you write, it’s for someone else. So, when you write, keep that in mind. If you don’t, what you write won’t be read (unless, of course, it’s a brief or a memo that someone has to read).

The object of treating each topic in a paragraph by itself is, of course, to aid the reader.
– The Elements of Style

We’ve all been taught that the fundamental unit of composition is the paragraph, but did you know that there are federal guidelines about paragraphs?

(more…)

The secret is in plain sight. Grab a newspaper, or a magazine, or a book — especially a book. Take a look at the spaces between the words. And note how consistent those spaces are.

Now, consider some copy from a client alert published by a big law firm:

Note the spacing between the words. In particular, compare the spacing in the last two lines.

The spacing isn’t very consistent; the spaces in the next-to-last line are more than three times wider than they are in the last line.

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Some of the best typesetting you’ll ever find appears in trade books, and here’s why — a publisher (that hopes to sell as many books as possible) wants a reader’s experience to be as pleasant as possible.

When you get a chance, grab a best-seller. Compare a page of it to a page from a client alert published by your firm.

How do you want that client alert you just wrote to look? Like it was produced by pros, or paralegals?

Consider this reduction of a page from a client alert.

What’s wrong with the layout? If you don’t have an opinion, you don’t know page design.

(more…)

Ogletree Deakins, a firm that focuses on employment law, issued this alert titled “President Signs Stimulus Bill With Significant COBRA Changes for Employers” just minutes after the president signed the bill.

A good way to connect to current events? I say so.

People want news when it’s fresh, not when it’s old.