Quick Cut — Don’t Waste Readers’ Time
Here’s the original (published by a firm that thinks it doesn’t need an editor):
Effective December 1, 2009, it will be unlawful for any motor vehicle operator to text message while driving. Violations of the new law will constitute an “infraction” punishable by a $100 fine.
Here it is after it’s been touched by an editor:
Beginning December 1, 2009, it will be unlawful to text message while driving in North Carolina. Violators will be subject to a $100 fine.
Any law firm that thinks readers are looking for a firm that likes to make things more complicated (or more convoluted) than necessary is one that could use an editor (if you ask me).
28 October 2009 at 16:59
That’s a damn good edit. I would have reduced “any motor vehicle operator” to “any driver.” Your edit is better.
28 October 2009 at 17:38
So many attorneys write as if they were paid by the word!
Hmm. . . . in a sense, they are. (How many words are there in one billable hour?)
3 November 2009 at 10:54
We (two associates) frequently use your blog posts for creative writing exercises. I thought I’d share.
Here’s the original (published by a firm that thinks it doesn’t need an editor):
Effective December 1, 2009, it will be unlawful for any motor vehicle operator to text message while driving. Violations of the new law will constitute an “infraction” punishable by a $100 fine.
Here it is after it’s been touched by an editor:
Beginning December 1, 2009, it will be unlawful to text message while driving in North Carolina. Violators will be subject to a $100 fine.
Here it is after Associate X edited it:
Being caught texting while driving after December 1, 2009 in North Carolina just became a little more expensive. That $100 dollars you planned to bet the under on for the Bobcats’s next game (the Bobcats scored 59 points last week against the Celtics. 59 POINTS!) will now be $100 spent for no potential gain.
Here it is after Associate Y edited it:
On December 1, 2009, it will be necessary to modify your texting form while operating a vehicle. You will want to keep the phone low and your eyes straight ahead. While it may seem challenging at first, keep practicing your blind-texting technique. Before long, you’ll be shooting “I hate pigs” texts to your buddies as you politely nod to the gentlemen driving the cop car stopped next to you at the red light.
We really enjoy reading your blog. I mean that.
3 November 2009 at 11:22
And what of Associate Z? Is he out admiring the fall colors?
5 November 2009 at 12:53
I understand and agree with your point, but if I recall correctly it is important that the crime is an “infraction” and not a misdemeanor. Leaving it sitting there in quotes does not help the reader, however. What is missing is the impact of getting caught on insurance and license points – none. Of course, it has been almost 20 years since I practiced law in North Carolina.