Set in Style

A common error many attorneys make when writing client alerts is this: they use exactly the same style of writing that they use in their daily work.

But that doesn’t work very well. When you write a brief, someone else has to read it. But when you write a client alert, no one has to read it.

If you want your alert to attract an audience, write it so it’s as easy to read as can be. The easier you make it for readers to read what you wrote, the more likely they are to do just that (and recommend what you wrote to others).

Consider this excerpt from a client alert published by a Big Law firm earlier today [emphasis added]:

Although the statute is explicit that it applies only to “female employee[s],” the Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination recently has announced that it intends to disregard that statutory limitation and apply the maternity leave requirement to employees of both sexes.

I want to focus on the emphasized phrase. It’s harder to parse than need be for these two reasons:

1. The order of the phrase is adverb-verb-participle, and that doesn’t work as well (in this case) as verb-adverb-participle: has recently announced, is much more familiar* (and easier to parse) than recently has announced.

2. The tense is past perfect, rather than past, and — in this case — there’s no good reason for it. MCAD recently announced is shorter than MCAD recently has announced and — in this case — the two phrases have the same exact meaning.

If you want to please your readers, don’t use more words than necessary!

If your readers are important, they’re busy. Their time is precious. Keep that in mind, and don’t waste their time.

Here’s that same excerpt, after it’s been touched by an editor:

The statute is limited to female employees, but the Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination recently announced that it intends to disregard that limitation and apply the maternity leave requirement to all employees.

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*Here’s a tip. When it comes to deciding whether you should set an adverb before a verb or after it, see which is more popular. In this case, you could compare the number of results of a Google search on recently has announced to those of a search on has recently announced.

In this case, the score is about 5,000 to 775,000. (And guess who wins?)

This entry was posted 18 June 2008 at 13:06 and is filed under General. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.