That issue returns to mind after a few recent events, the latest being a journey to the grocery store that occurred less than one hour ago.

As I was cruising the aisles of the food store looking for various items, I noticed a homosexual woman dressed as a man, doing just what I was doing — looking for things and selecting some.

We wound up in the check-out line in sequence — I, right before her.

I emptied my basket, putting the few items I selected onto some bacteria-infested conveyer belt. Then I turned to put the basket where baskets go, but the woman-as-man behind me was in the way, busy on the phone, and not paying attention.

I caught her eye, and said “Excuse me dear.”

Now, I don’t know what she heard, but it certainly wasn’t the polite, respectful request I issued.

Based on her reaction to my request, she heard something more along the lines of, “You stupid bitch. Get out of my way!”

______
The Mrs. is in the hospital. That’s where I was all morning, and I would have spent all day there, but you know how it is — the bills must be paid! And god forbid AT&T should ever have to suffer along without me and my tiny contributions to its political contributions. (Another story, I’m sure.)

The Mrs. is getting a regular stream of visitors in the hospital. They all work for the hospital and they all have different roles to play; they’re all very polite and they all need information and they all say, “we’re here to provide it,” as well.

Those visitors are women. And they all have this peculiar way of greeting the Mrs.

They all greet her first as if she were still in high school. “Well, you must be Miss Thorne,” they say when they first meet her.

They can easily see she’s a mature woman, not a school girl. They can see she’s married, and “that’s her husband.”

Still, they address her like she was Little Miss Sunshine.

And here’s my speculation — they believe it’s polite to call Mrs. Thorne Miss Thorne.

They’re wrong. Very wrong.

______
Here’s my solution to the linguistic woes of having different titles for men and for women — refer to everyone as him. Get rid of she and her; rely on he and him. Apply masculine pronouns equally to all. Treat men and women alike.

Why not?

I’m sure the woman-as-man in the check-out line in the grocery store would be happier if I treated her — spoke to her — as if she were something she isn’t — a man.

More . . . later . . . including a new unisex, unitense, unipurpose pronoun for all — men and women alike.

Here it is: *HE*

It can be used in place of she, her, their and all sorts of problematic pronouns.

“How so?”

“Well,” is what I said, pointing to the waiting room where a dozen people were sitting, watching TV, reading books or magazines, or using laptops equipped with Windows XP or Windows 7 — all waiting.

I said, “Every man says his wife is special, for better or worse, right? Now . . . let’s get objective. Suppose there were 100 people in the waiting room and you found the most special one of them. Suppose you did that 100 times and then you had a room full of 100 special people. Find the most special one of them, do that 100 times, and then repeat the whole process 100 times over. Eventually, you’d find someone special like the Mrs. That’s the sort of special I mean — Spectacular & Very Exceptional!”

I believe he got the idea.

I spent all day yesterday at the races, and the weather was great. But that’s up in Sonoma: the entrance to wine country.

San Francisco is not Sonoma. Not even close, weather wise.

Except for those rare days like today, that is. And this summer, those days are even rarer than usual — a sure sign that the Sun is flaring up and causing rare weather all over the world.

Being a responsible adult who doesn’t worry much about Sun flares, I decide, “The heck with work for now. I’ll get to it later.”

______
Ocean Beach is never all that busy, even on very rare days — Beautiful Days. Not al all. It’s quite the contrast to Jones Beach or Coney Island. That’s for sure. Compared to the beaches in or near NYC, Ocean Beach is desolate even when it’s most crowded.

I’m sure you know how it is. When people thin out, they can get more intimate. It’s like this: you can’t just go up to someone on 5th Avenue and 34th Street during a beautiful day of the week and strike up a conversation. That’s crazy.

But you can do that sort of thing when the folks are few, as they are here at the beach this morning.

______
As usual, I’m looking for sea shells for the Mrs. She makes all sorts of stuff from them. As I’m doing that, a gal walks by. I take the earphones out of my ears, and we greet one another in passing.

I find something odd on the beach as a man with a big belly is walking by. “What do you suppose that might be?”

He looks at the oddity for a few seconds and then walks away, without a word. Maybe he’s a German tourist and he has no idea what I asked. Maybe.

______
In two hours time, I collect a few good sea shells. And then I get to studying what must be one of the most energetic dogs on earth.

He’s chasing ravens. And I mean chasing and chasing and chasing and chasing, up one end of the beach and then way down then other.

What an energetic critter!

He starts chasing a raven that was just cooling out on the beach. The dog’s chasing after a bird that’s flying low and slow down the beach.

Then the bird does something real smart: it flies over the ocean — about 10 feet out — and the darned dog goes out in the water and keeps chasing a bird he’ll never, ever catch.

You know how it is — a bird flying 20 feet above the waves isn’t about to let some dog that can swim but can’t fly catch it. That’s just not going to happen, but the dog 1) doesn’t get it or 2) doesn’t really care. He’s in it for the thrill of it, just like the surfers riding the waves.

I’m sitting on a log watching this non-stop dog chasing one raven after another. He chases a raven up the dunes, down the beach, and back again. After that raven flies over the ocean, the dog gives up and looks for another raving just chilling on the beach.

The dog runs my way, and then this big raven takes off in slow motion. The dog becomes frantic.

The raven floats slowly in a circle that nearly covers me, dipping closer to the ground and then up again, and the dog is going wild, as if it’s got a real opportunity to catch the bird.

And then it hits me. The ravens are messing with this fool dog, making it waste all its energy so it will cool out, settle down, and leave all other creatures alone. They’re trying to coax it into a San Francisco state of mind.

Chill, fool dog! Chill!

What in the heck are you going to do with a raven once you catch it? Have you even thought about that?

I wonder who the heck owns this dog — or, as they say in San Francisco, “Who is its his guardian?

Just yesterday, I heard that the city council board of supervisors was considering an ordinance that would require pet owners . . . I mean guardians . . . to take an hour-long class to learn how to care for critters.

Can you believe it?

“If I want to get a cat, I’ve got to take an hour-long class first.

If I going to have a child, I don’t.”

San Francisco politics yields some odd results — some at odds with nature.

Whoever owns this dog isn’t much of a bird lover, methinks.

______
Well . . . I’ve really got to go. I don’t want to, but there’s work to be done. There really is.

On the way home, I make two stops. The first is Taco Bell. I pull into the parking lot, and the car next to me is blaring foul-language music. I look at the youngster behind the wheel, and he does a good thing: he turns the ugly music down.

I’m walking right past 7-11 (on the way to Taco Bell), and another youngster — the companion of the youngster in the car with ugly music — opens a door just as I’m walking by. I stop. He continues. I say, “Thanks mate,” and he acts like I’m invisible.

I get the Mrs. some crunchy tacos because I know she’ll be hungry when I get home and this is what she’ll probably want. She’ll also want some ginger ale, so I stop at a carryout: the one closest to McAteer High School, which is where I usually go.

But it’s lunch time.

The kids are moving in waves, talking loudly, using foul language, and not caring for others.

I suspect they’re as young and senseless as me and some of my friends used to be (though we had sense enough not to curse in front of adults).

I wonder if high-fructose corn syrup can have a negative effect on human evolution. I see plenty of evidence for it. Fat, dumb kids who think high style is dressing like sloppy plumbers and chubby car mechanics. Sneakers that cost more than I spend on . . . well . . . never mind that.

I get what I need, get back in the car, and then, after a few minutes of driving, “Honey, I’m home.”

The tacos were spot on.

Yippie! The Mrs. is pleased once more.

______
Freedom of speech and expression is wonderful, but it’s not for everyone. It was designed for adults: responsible adults.

I just finished watching the Sunday morning round-table discussion of newsworthy events, and I am (once again) wondering about the terms that journalists and newscasters use to describe certain groups of things — people.

Media types often speak of the Muslim World. Why don’t they ever mention the Christian World? Or the Jewish World?

OK. Jews are such a minority that they can’t have their own world, but what about Hindus? If there’s just about as many Hindus as Muslims, and they’re just about as concentrated in one region of the real world, why don’t newscasters give them their own world, just like Muslims?

Now that I’m thinking of it, let me ask you this: why do media types talk about the X Community instead of the Xs themselves?

For example, the big news around here (in the City by the Bay) this past week concerns Prop 8, Judge Vaughn Walker, same-sex marriage (which media types around here call gay marriage), and equal rights. Local newscasters don’t say, “Gays are celebrating Judge Walker’s decision declaring Proposition 8 unconstitutional.” They say, “the Gay Community is celebrating.”

When it comes to national news, anchors don’t say, “Muslims are expressing concern over President Obama’s most recent remarks about building a mosque near Ground Zero.” They say, “the Muslim Community is concerned.”

“The African-American Community is upset over Johannes Mehserle‘s sentence,” they say.

Yes, but how do blacks feel about it?

Why not call Spades Spades, rather than members of the Spade Community? Why the mild misdirection?

And why not treat all groups (I mean, the members of the group of all groups) equally? Why talk about Independents and Independent Voters, but never the Community of Independent Voters or the Independent Voter Community? Why not talk of the Community of Democrats, or the Community of Republicans? Why is it always Conservatives, and never the Conservative Community?

Why speak of one group differently than another when there’s no need to?

These are the sorts of things I wonder about on Sunday mornings.

______
Tomorrow morning, I’ll probably do what I usually do — invest some time listening to the local news broadcast by KTVU (a TV station that covers the Bay Area and some its communities — those defined by geography, ethnicity, and religion, but not those defined politics or by wealth — unless there’s a murder or a rape or a robbery in some Gated Community other than the Bay Area’s most famous gated community of all: San Quentin).

“Live!”

“Coming to you live!”

“And now we go to Claudine Wong, live in Fremont. Claudine?”

Of course Claudine is alive. If she were dead, she wouldn’t be reporting for KTVU any more, would she?

By now, don’t we all know where those KTVU news vans with satellite dishes are going and what they’re going to do when they get there? When the anchor says there was a fire last night at a middle school in Fremont, and there’s Claudine standing in front of the ruined school the next morning, do we suppose it’s old file footage? Do we need to be assured it is not? Does KTVU think we’re such idiots, or that it’s so far ahead of its competitors?

These are the sorts of things I wonder about on Monday mornings.

And then I have another cup of coffee and get back to my work.

Well, do you know where he is and what he’s up to?

I called his office phone number the other day. I wanted to see if he was going to be at last night’s LMA Summer Mixer, but the line “was disconnected, or is no longer in sservice.”

I called his cell phone number. Nothing!

Where is Peter? What’s become of him?

______
Un Oh! My time with the LMA list server is kaput. Bummer.

And no, Ms. Flynn — I was not banned from the list server, not unless you figure Senator Byrd was banned from the KKK or John Glenn was banned from outer space. Pa-l-e-a-s-e-!!!

It’s just that I haven’t been paying my bills. After a while, they pull the plug.

I’m gonna miss it. I really am. Especially as I was thinking of posting something there this coming Sunday — something that might have started like this:

It’s Sunday morning, and I’m sitting here with a keyboard in one hand, a cup of coffee in another, and a question about attorneys and the news.

Based on the feedback I got last night, there are those who will miss my Sunday morning messages.

Oh well. Pay my bill and I’ll be back.

I’d pay it, but the Mrs. says I’m broke right now since I spent so much last weekend at the races in Sonoma. (And little does she know I have tickets for the Grand Prix in August. Shhh . . . please don’t say a word of it.)

______
I’m worried about Peter.

Why is his phone disconnected? Why hasn’t he posted anything at his blog in six months? Why is it that no one I asked about Peter last night could say any more than this — “I haven’t seen Peter in quite a while.”

It’s a mystery.

I don’t know Peter well, but he didn’t strike me as the sort who would join a small religious cult and move to the mountains to get ready for a visit from another world.

If you know what’s up with Peter, please let me know.

______
OK. I won’t miss the list server that much. It doesn’t get a great deal of traffic, and much of the discussion is of no interest to me.

But some of it’s interesting. For instance, a week ago, a marketeer for one law firm asked the marketeers from other law firms to give her their firms’ web site stats! Seriously.

Her firm has a labor-and-employment practice, and I suppose her firm’s attorneys advise clients on employment agreements — the sort that prohibit employees from revealing proprietary info, like the company’s web site stats.

But here she is doing precisely what she should not, and the firm’s attorneys haven’t a clue, even though they advise clients to . . . .

Never mind.

______
The LMA is a very good organization. At least it is for me.

The Bay Area chapter has a meeting a month, and they’re very well done.

Of course, I’m a vendor to these people. When I go to a meeting or a social event hosted by the LMA, I’m in the midst of potential clients, and those who can influence them, which is great. It’s always good to know people, especially those who can send work your way.

Speaking of which . . . I’ve got work to do, and I suppose that’s what I should do.

Later . . . .

Real busy today . . . and still.

I’m creating several blogs for attorneys, and I’m redesigning a law firm’s web site.

I’m also copywriting for a high-tech firm in Silicon Valley. That’s what’s keeping me so busy.

______
Surprise! Surprise!

We spent last weekend at the drag strip, a bunch of my friends, some of their girlfriends and wives, and Dino and Tony and Nate and I.

We hired a shuttle bus to take us from San Francisco to Infineon Raceway in Sonoma, California, and it was great.

We could drink Champagne, tell tall tales, and not worry a bit about the traffic.

______
We arrived Friday afternoon, about an hour before qualifying for the nitro cars was scheduled to begin.

Great! Instead of driving a half-mile away and parking in some field that isn’t marked, the shuttle dropped us off right at the front gate. The gals among us really liked that, especially as the parking lot is not flat at all — it’s here and there on a big hilly area, the sort of place you might graze cattle if the grass was green.

Qualifying started later than usual, and there were a lot of problems, mostly oil spills at the top end of the track.

Then Gary Densham made a qualifying run, his funny car exploded at 292.52 mph, and it was quite a mess. Such a mess that it took so long to clean the track that the final round of qualifying for the top fuelers was canceled, because racing is prohibited after 10:00 pm.

______
Oh yes — the surprise: In the mail today comes two tickets to the Indy Grand Prix of Sonoma next month.

Totally unexpected.

I’m reading the letter that accompanied the tickets, and it’s an apology for Friday night not going so well.

Very thoughtful, but I don’t think I’ll go. I talked to Nate about it, and it sounds like he might go.

We’ll see.

Gotta run.

Well . . . I say she’s done a good thing overall if she’s inspired bloggers — especially those who write like they’re in their first week of “English for people who didn’t get the hang of it in school because of a sincere lack of interest.”

I say, if she’s inspired them to acknowledge that language skills are important, she’s done a good thing.

______
Heck . . . why shouldn’t the president — another one who has a tough time respecting the G in ING — be held to the same standard of excellence as the local evening news anchor?

Why can’t the president say going to, rather than gonna?

Is it so hard to pronounce the very last phoneme in reading and writing?

Don’t we tell young school children that each one of them has the potential to become president of the United States of America?

Well then . . . shouldn’t the president set a good example for all those children by speaking well?

I say, of course he should. And he should quit imitating the previous president — the one who told a graduating class at Yale that you can squander your education and still do very, very well.

When the president’s at work (especially when he’s on TV), he should use the same care that anchors and actors use when they’re at work. That’s what I say.

______
Chris Matthews has been asking, “What’s up with the Republicans?” As he sees it, they’ve taken to admiring ignorance and a lack of education; now their pols (like Palin) try to look and speak more like rappers and less like law professors.

It seems that’s what we want in a president — one of our own: someone who can’t name a single justice of U.S. Supreme Court; someone who can’t be bothered with certain phonemes.

I guess that’s what we want for their kids too, else why would we send our children to school dressed like miniature auto mechanics? Why would we allow a teen to have less mastery of mathematics than what’s expected of a fourth-grader? Why would we give a high school diploma to someone who lacks the capacity to speak without vulgarity?

As a people, are we not careless with our children?

______
I spent all last weekend at the drag strip. It was a major event — the Fram Autolite Nationals; all the top contenders were there (like John and Ashley Force), and so were the masses (dressed very casually, as if they were public school students).

I went to see an exhibition of old dragsters and hot rods, thinking I might catch a memory or two, and I did.

But it was tarnished: I’m standing there looking at some old dragster from the 1970s, and a man comes along with his boy, who looks to be about 10 years old. The father and I acknowledge one another, and then he turns to his son and says, “You really need some balls to drive this thing.”

“Yeah, dad . . . some big balls.”

I’m shocked! I look at the father who’s smiling right at me, and then he sees how I am definitely not finding this humorous.

Quite the opposite: I consider what he did a form of child abuse. I really do. It’s not sudden and brutal like the abuse that puts kids in emergency rooms, but it can be just as damaging.

______
Dear Mr. President —

Would you please use proper pronunciation when you address us and our children? Is that too much to ask of you?

Would you please put the Gs in your INGs the next time you appear on TV?

And would you please do something with Hillary Clinton? What a freaking embarrassment she is to the U.S. whenever she speaks.

I hear William Jefferson Hague speak, and then I hear Clinton speak, and I just can’t believe someone with a law degree printed by Yale University Law School could sound like such a valley girl. “Well . . . ya know . . . I was . . . ah . . . just . . . um . . . .”

Please make her attend Toastmasters.

Thanks a bunch.

— Thorne

______

* Ever wonder why pols on talk shows can’t admit they were wrong? They do or say this or that, and then they wind up on a Sunday morning talk show (as Joe Biden so recently did), and when they’re asked about this or that . . . why . . . you’d think all the world had gone mad, save for the person being interviewed. They blunder, but they tell us we’re mistaken. “Well, that was taken out of context,” or “that wasn’t what I said,” or “I was speaking about something completely unrelated to anything you’re now asking me about and I’m gonna spend the next few minutes talkin about something else entirely, because the audience is too dumb to know that I don’t give a shit about the things we want our schools to teach our children . . . .”

The leading web sites are always current. The Huffington Post never presents the latest news as what happened six years ago. It never lists the Next Upcoming Event as occurring two months ago.

But some law firms sure do.

Currency (it seems to me) is a basic element of good style, especially when a key goal is to keep people informed (or attract search engines so potential clients and those who influence them will think of you).

Some firms do a great job of keeping their firm’s web site current. Everything’s automated, and as soon as 11 July 2010 is done, the seminar scheduled for that day is moved from Upcoming Events to Past Events.

But most firms aren’t equipped with the latest and greatest in web management software, and the event schedule is managed by some busy person with too much to do. (Too many law firms can’t afford the help they need because they spend too much for fancy conference room furnishings and artwork.)

Here’s what I’m wondering (about most firms):

1. How often should the event schedule be updated? Daily? Monthly?
2. How important is it to keep the schedule kept current?
3. Should the event schedule be posted so just about everyone (at the firm) sees it every day?

It seems to me that if web-based event schedules were posted as prominently as the printed schedules of old, you’d never see a schedule that said the next event was several weeks ago.

Out-of-date schedules send the wrong message: they say, “We don’t pay close attention to what we do, now that we’re computerized.”

In my case, the audience consists of attorneys — attorneys looking for help with their marketing efforts —especially those who need help developing marketing materials:

1. Blogs and Blog Posts
2. Business cards and Letterhead
3. Client Alerts and Brochures
4. Logos and Logotypes
5. Web Sites

Offer Services that Bring Attorneys Clients

In my case, the services range from conception of marketing materials, to production and beyond:

1. Copy Writing and Copy Editing
2. Design and Developmental Editing
3. Maintenance and Production

Help Attorneys Start Blogs

I help attorneys design their blogs to achieve specific goals.

Help Attorneys Write Blog Posts

I help people who don’t have time to help themselves, like attorneys who have blogs, but don’t have the time to write a few posts a week.

Help Law Firms Develop Web Sites

I help new law firms establish an effective presence on the web.

Help Lawyers Develop Social Media Strategies

I help lawyers develop effective social media strategies to promote their practices.

To be continued . . . .

How about that?

Money’s in short supply in certain areas, and the likeliest prospect is for more and more school teachers, cops, and firemen to become unemployed in the near future.

So . . . rather than fully sponsor Duncan’s treasure hunt, David Obey (chair of the House Appropriations Committee) wants to use about 10% of that $4.5 billion to keep cuts to civil service from being too severe.

Obama doesn’t like that. Arne’s his pal. If Arne wants money for a treasure hunt at the public’s expense . . . .

Presidential Candidates Acting Like They’re Running for School Board

Every four years now, a select group assembles for a series of debates. They tell us why they should be president. And they tell us how they’re going to fix education.

I’m not sure why they do that. Oh yeah . . . it’s because we’re not too bright. What candidates promise, voters cherish.

I’d like to be a moderator of a presidential debate. When a candidate says what he’s going to do to fix public education, I’d like to ask, “Isn’t being president enough of a job? Why promise to take on such a huge task at the same time? Why not let the states do their thing, instead of using tax money (as in Race to the Top) to bribe them into sponsoring a treasure hunt we don’t need and can’t afford (since it means losing teachers, cops, and firefighters)?”

No wonder I’ve never been asked to moderate a televised debate!

My last opportunity was when I posed a question to GHW Bush when he was running for president. He said, “Read my lips; no new taxes.”

Stupid me. I asked him how he could possibly make such a pledge, especially as raising taxes is like raising armies: it’s up to Congress, not the president. “Are you running for Congress, or for president?”

The candidate looked lost, and that was the end of my career asking candidates questions.

Nationalizing Public Education

Arne’s pet project does this: it encourages states to adopt a unified national curriculum, and it takes money from regular public schools to create more charter schools.

It’s another step in the long, slow process of nationalizing public education (which got quite a boost from our last president, the one who bragged about how far youngsters could do without a good education.)

Perhaps you’re opposed to nationalizing public education. I’m not; at least not per sé. I’d be happy to see it happen, but only if done right: by constitutional amendment that transfers authority for public education from the states to the feds, and only if someone like Arne (someone who would rather dismantle public education than support it) doesn’t get to run the show.

Why have 50 boards of education coming up with 50 sets of curricula for students from Maine to California? Do we really need that in this modern day and age?

I think not.

A Bit of Background

After college, I was a mathematics editor for a textbook publisher, and I’ve been involved in public education (off and on) ever since (most recently developing items for those disputed tests demanded by the No Child Left Behind Act, or ESEA).

Early on, I got curious about stats that showed boys were better at math than girls. That didn’t jibe with my experience (as a math teacher), so I ordered up the latest NAEP report to see what was going on. I’ve been reading stats like that ever since.

And I’m familiar enough with the literature on public education, which is chock full of experiments and results proclaiming how effective they are, yet the quality of public education remains far below what it was in the middle of the last century (at least for most).

Every year I hear stats about how less than 50% of high school students know that the U.S. fought a war of independence against England, or that only 82% know what planet they live on.

Who cares for charter schools (beyond those with a financial interest)?

We already know what yields good educational outcomes: homes with parents who care for their children.

Fix that, Mr. Duncan. Get us back to where we were 50 years ago. If you want to affect public education, affect families. Nothing else will do.

My Plan for Public Education — Universal & Compulsory

Back to nationalizing public education . . . why not?

If I were in Arne’s shoes, I wouldn’t be interfering with the SEAs like he is.

I’d appeal to the public. “Why have 50 state bureaucracies instead of a national one?

“And let’s do this: let’s make public education universal and compulsory. That’s right: compulsory. Every school kid goes to public school, and every public school offers the same high quality education as every other.

“If you want to send your kid to Catholic school, fine. Your child can attend that school after regular school hours, but from 8:00 am to 3:00 pm, your kid’s in public school, along with all the rest.

“How are we going to achieve this goal of universal and compulsory education administered by the national government? By constitutional amendment. That’s how.

“As it is, public education is the responsibility of the states, not the feds. So we need an amendment to change that. But we need more than that. As it is, the most unruly kids torment the rest. That’s not at all consistent with a quality education.

“So, we’re going back to an old tool: tracking. Kids who can’t keep up, or who can’t behave, don’t wind up in the same classrooms as most kids, and they don’t get the opportunity to hold most kids back, as they have for so long.

“Our constitutional amendment will address that. And it will give the national government a great new authority: to punish or praise public school students (not just teachers and principals) as necessary to maintain the worlds’ finest system of public education.

“Do I have your vote?”